Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's leading comedians devoted their broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins each thing he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new initiative that allows foreign citizens to buy U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. A government website promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief thought for you to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining approval ratings during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.