This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and consumption? The almost wilful procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Rather, the experience was like reading a sales brochure. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.

Morgan Robbins
Morgan Robbins

A digital strategist with over a decade of experience in curating premium online resources and tools.